Saturday, October 20, 2007

Erap Jokes

Collection of Erap Jokes

ERAP: "I have a brain cancer. Yehey!!!"
Ramos: "That's delicate, how come you're still happy?"
ERAP: "Now I know I have a brain!"

Zamora: "Mr. ERAP, dumarami na naman daw ang mga prosti sa kalsada."
ERAP: "okay lang siguro iyun dahil malapit na ang summer, masarap din naman ang prosti lalo na iyung grape flavor

Exec Sec Zamora: Sir, puwede bang palitan 'tong laptop ko?
Erap: Bakit?
Zamora: Masyadong mabigat, eh!
Erap: Ba't di ka mag-delete ng files para gumaan?

Why did Erap shot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads:
"Execute all 3 copies together with your wife..."

Erap to Loi: Wow ang bango mo ngayon ah! Ano'ng gamit mong pabango?
Loi: Secret!!!
Erap: Secret? Di ba pinapahid yun sa kili-kili?

Erap was accepting the surrender of an NPA unit Commander:

Erap: So you are the Commander?
Commander: yes, I am.
Erap: So what does your comrades call you?
Commander: Ka Liber
Erap: What kind? .38 or .45?
Commander: Acheche!

Erap was trying to get in touch with his son, Jinggoy, so he decided to page him.

He dialled '141 - 777777' and an operator answered, " Hello, pager number 777777, sender's name please..."

Erap answered " Ahh... ERAP."

The operator continued, " Message please."

Erap said, " Ahhh... Jinggoy, this is your father. Your beeper is with me."

Once Erap was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE.

Again Erap thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

Erap shows a map of the Philippines to a genie and wishes that all the islands be connected by fly-overs.

Genie: I'm not that good. Make another wish!

Erap: Okay. Make me intelligent!

Genie: Can i see the map again?

Erap and Loi were on an African safari when a huge lion sprang out of nowhere and drag Loi with its jaws.

Loi: shoot, shoot!

Erap: I can't. I've run out of film!!

Erap went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?"

Erap: Of course. She's Noah's wife.

FVR: Sorry I'm late! brownout! na stuck sa elevator for 1 hr
ERAP: Wala yan ako 3 hrs sa escalator

Erap at a California Pizza kitchen
Erap: Waiter, ano bang specialty niyo?
Waiter: Sir we have a wide range of pizza
Erap: A ganun ba?..Isang Shakeys special nga!

Teacher: Erap, all your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Erap: Oral.

Fax from Malacanang

A: I just got a fax from Malacanang and it's even Erap himself who sent it.
B: How can you be so sure it was him
A: Look here: There's a stamp on it...

Erap calls into a take-out pizza parlor.
Pizza man: Would you like your pizza sliced into six or eight?
Erap: Six, I don't think I could eat eight.

Erap was out dining in a restaurant when they overheard some people at another table order some potatoes and some mashed potatoes. One of Erap's dinner guests asked Erap, "What's the difference between a potatoe and a mashed potato?"

Erap pointed to the skin on his wrist, " Ito, puti 'to." He then pointed to his white shirt and said, " Ito, mas puti 'to."

Every one knows that President Erap is superstitious. While he was in Kuala Lumpur for the APEC meeting, he is asked by Filipino reporters if he’s going back to the Philippines on Saturday. He looks at the calendar but misreads the date. "Hindi, ayoko. Friday the 13th pala sa Sabado".

Tanong: Ilan liters meron ang Coke 2000?
Erap: Apat!
Tanong: Ha????

Alfredo Lim is half-Filipino, half-Chinese.
Manoling Morato is half-Filipino, half-Filipina.
Erap is half-Filipino, half-Alcohol.

Ramos: Erap, why do you cry while eating Chippy?
And why do you shed your tears on the wrapper?
Erap: Because it says here on top "Tear here"

During a press conference on morality...
Reporter: Sir, how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Erap: 16 !!!
Reporter: Why???
Erap: Because the priest says:
Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

One particular day many years ago, Erap's wife was having labor
Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

One day, isang araw, Erap notices people were signing up for a free seminar about the WWW. Erap says: "It's really nice to see so many people interested in history. But, there should be another seminar where our country was more involved."

His bodyguard says: "What do you mean, sir?" Erap explains: "I mean there should also be a seminar about WWT....
not only world war wan..... but also world war two."

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