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Friday, September 28, 2007

English Speaking si Inday

Compilation of Inday Jokes that will surely make you laugh.

I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity,productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

- sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo.

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Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior.

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The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

- nag-explain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

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Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

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"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!"

- Inday, kasama si Junior sa principal's office.

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Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

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Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

- si Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na maglikot.

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Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

- sagot ni Inday kung bakit umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

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Basing it on substantial evidences available herewith, the monochromatic patterns of stains could very well be an effect of clumsy and unsystematic behavioral reactions of the individual with his color palettes in art class"

- paliwanag ni Inday kay Ma'am ukol sa mga mantsa sa polo ni junior

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"Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!"

-si inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate

"-drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce
- vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil
- lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests"

- baon ni junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday

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Amo : Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda... o nga pala inglisera ka na ngaun... wud u please purchase many fishes for this week's meals.

Inday : Judging from your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traverse the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day's catch? (pauses) aaahhh By the manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this household's quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gong", am I correct?

Amo : l*ch*!

Inday : You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then 'ba-ngooz' it is!

(Hanep! Di lang nosebleed! Internal hemorrhage level na ito!!)

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"Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way of entertainment. It doesn't contribute to the good of the society. I hate character assassinators."

-reklamo ni inday nang nachismis siya ng kapitbahay

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"I'm not extremely good-looking, but I have a sense of humor. I'm not breathtakingly intelligent, but I'm relatively witty. I'm not insanely rich, but I'm fairly kind. I'm just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your acquaintance. so, hi."

- DODONG, hardinerong nakikipag-txtmate kay inday.

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"don't limit my capacity on the 4 corners of this luxurious abode. Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world. I want to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences..."

-inday, nagreklamo kasi di sinama sa Enchanted Kingdom..

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Amo 1 : Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan mo ang kinis mo kasi eh!

Amo 2 : siguro gumagamit ka ng papaya no?

Amo 1 : Baka naman kalamansi...

Inday: Nope!

" Only Belo touches my skin.. who touches yours?"

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Dear mom,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabbily run academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be such strenuous employ!

Your daughter,

Inday


Dear Inday,

Walang hiya ka! magpadala ka ng pera! nasa ospital nanay mo!! dumugo ilong kakabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

-tatay

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La vida es no una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su comprador avido diario. Por favor?

- si inday tumatawad sa palengke nang sinama sya ng amo sa Espanya.

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Amo: L*ch*! tumataas na naman ang presyo ng bigas.

Inday: Higher stock index and low flow of investments triggered inflation, thus, the peso is weak.

Amo: dali....tissue...nagnosebleed ako.

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Dodong: Inday, pwede ba kita maging txtmate?

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request. Petition denied.

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AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discounting rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on PPE and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: Hinimatay!

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I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be
simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you
is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance.

- INDAY, nag-eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong, ang bf nia.

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It's not that I don't like you. It's just that I feel we're still too young to entertain thoughts of fornication in the domicile of our employers. In fact, it's very immature to insinuate that I don't reciprocate your emotions just because I decline to perform an act of coitus with you.

-Inday, niri-reject si Dodong na makipag-sex.

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I have been closely following your every statement, and I would just want to bring to your attention the following grammar violations the you have committed:

- the nerve impulse WAS received by the brain;
- What the f*ck did just LANDED;
- Didn't your parents TAUGHT you to behave within ethical bounds?

May this message help you to improve your verbal interlocutions in your current workplace.

- Perfecta (mayordoma sa pinagtatrabahuhan ni Inday - away na ito!:)

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I'm growing tired of you! I've done everything to put it to an end, but you're just as stubborn as a 7-year old pre-school. Alas! But I should find a way. May it be through physical, chemical, microbial or even spiritual means - to put an end to your miserable lives, pitiable creatures!

-Iyan ang banta ni INDAY sa mga germs sa bahay.

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The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased
amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and
those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

- nag-explain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

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I want to persevere in life. I want to break free from where I am. I want to travel the world, see all the beautiful sights and sceneries. I want to be complete…

-Naks naman si INDAY! Pwede na ring model ng Centrum!

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I'm a cool and friendly type of person with simple outlook in life. I always look at the bright side of things. Be famous is not what I need, but being simple is what I want.
-Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY nang alukin siya ni Mother Lily na maging Regal Baby. grabeh beauty mo inday...

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"I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from..."

- Inday... hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick
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"The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

- ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)

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"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I'll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"

- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

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"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market."

- banat ni Inday kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang.

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"Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness."

- sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

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"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."

- sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff.

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Consul: why do you wanna go to the US?

Amo: to travel to visit friends and fly the airplane.

Consul: DENIED!

Consul: and you?
Inday: For life is a neverending pursuit, become reality and a perfect habitat were souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.

Consul: LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!

Amo: P**A ka!

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